A friend of mine, onefrowningredhead, sent me this in an e-mail. Enjoy. It certainly cheered me up from a rough morning dealing with incompetent people.
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear Rubik’s Cube,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho’s.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can’t. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream… What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.
All you had to do was wake up.
My death isn’t the only thing I’ve been faking…
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Dear Sex Educators,
Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.
Sincerely, The Virgin Mary
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake
Dear Prince Charming,
You’ve got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty